


Top Ten Reasons Magneto Is Single

by storiesfortravellers



Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Top Ten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 17:47:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2437556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik starts to wonder why he's still single and so he goes around asking the opinion of everyone he knows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Top Ten Reasons Magneto Is Single

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for:  
> One character says something that is very kinkshaming. Not intended to be taken seriously; it's meant as a reflection on the character who says it.
> 
> Likewise, another character says dismissive things about mental illness.
> 
> Brief mentions of past telepathic entry into someone's mind without consent.
> 
> Obviously, a problematic situation where a character assumes that not-single should be the default.

"Why do you think I'm still single?" Erik asked Raven one night.

"If you were ready to be something else, you would be," she said, then turned away.

Erik frowned. He wasn't sure if he liked that answer.

\--

"Why do you think I'm still single?" Erik asked casually at the breakfast table.

"Because everyone's scared you'll kill them," Angel muttered, then smiled sweetly to cover it up.

Erik sighed.

\--

Erik asked Azazel next. 

"You're just not smooth, man."

Erik really didn't think that could be the case.

\--

Erik asked Janos next. 

"It's probably the clothes."

"What's wrong with my clothes?" Erik asked.

"The cape, the helmet. It kind of screams 'my best friend is a pigeon and I recycle cans for a living.'"

"My clothes are very expensive," Erik objected.

"But the outfit as a whole looks like you lost your accountant job, had a nervous breakdown, then decided to live your life as a children's book character."

Erik decided to leave then before he did anything rash.

\--

Erik asked to go to the mansion then, claiming he was willing to talk about a peace agreement. Really, he wanted to gather information - his own crew was no help at all.

"So, Alex, don't you think it's weird that I'm still single?" Erik said.

"Are you hitting on me?"

"Ugh, no."

"Good. Because I've done some bad things in my life, but even I wouldn't be with someone like you."

"What do you mean?"

"Someone who hurts people. On purpose." Alex stared at him.

"You don't like me being here," Erik said.

"I don't trust you."

"Good," Erik said. It was nice that Charles wasn't surrounded by complete idiots at any rate.

\--

Erik asked Sean next.

"It's 'cuz you give off this vibe, dude."

"What vibe? Crazy nervous breakdown? Evil villain? Commitment-phobe?"

"Like... the kind of vibe that you'd be into some really sick shit. Like not just regular kinky, like you'd be into metal tentacles and gunplay and things that most people wouldn't even imagine. Nobody's gonna go out with you if you're giving off the vibe that you want to like eat their ass while you shove spoons into each other's dicks or something."

"That's...." Erik tried to think of all of things wrong with that statement, and which to say first. "You know what, Sean, I'll just ask someone else."

\--

Hank looked at him coldly. "I assume it's because no one you know is completely lacking in common sense."

"Still holding a grudge, huh Beast?"

"For that time you tried to destroy all humans and left us with a severely injured friend on an island? Yeah, still holding a grudge."

Erik shouldn't have even bothered to ask Hank.  
\--

Erik decided to make a phone call, then. Emma picked up. 

"Erik, darling, it's because you don't let anyone in."

"I let people in."

"Like who?"

"You," Erik said.

"And?"

Erik sighed. Emma knew anyway, but she apparently was going to make him say it. "You and Charles."

"Exactly. The only people you let in are the people who used mutant powers to force their way into your mind the first time you met. You didn't let us in. We overpowered you and got in, and you respected that strength."

"I don't know if I would put it that way."

"Name one person in your adult life that you've felt close to who has never pushed their way into your mind. You'd never be close to anyone if you weren't forced."

Erik was silent for a long moment. "I really don't like you sometimes."

"Of course you don't like me. I tell you the truth, which is why you always call me."

Erik sighed. 

She added, "If you don't want to be single, then try not being single."

Erik, for some reason, felt deeply annoyed at that, and he angrily hung up the phone.

\--

"So Logan. If you were to name one reason that I'm still single...."

"Because you're a dick."

\--

"You know what I'm here to ask you?" Erik said warily.

"No," Charles answered. 

"Read my mind and find out."

"You could just tell me."

Erik hesitated, then said, "No. Read me."

Charles frowned, but then nodded. He put his fingers to his head and concentrated.

He stopped then and grinned. "Erik, if you don't want to be single, you have to ask someone to be with you."

Erik nodded, then swallowed. "You want to try again?" 

Charles smiled gently. "I do."

Erik leaned down then to kiss him, long, soft. Charles kissed back, rougher, possessive.

"You know there's nothing wrong with being single," Charles said. "Many people are happy that way."

"I'm pretty sure if all you do is think about your ex, then you're not doing single right," Erik admitted.

"I missed you too," Charles said, "And next time you want to ask everyone a stupid question, ask me first. I didn't know what you were saying to everyone, but it was impossible not to sense how annoyed everyone was." He grinned then. "But I'm glad you finally decided to annoy me," he added, and Erik rolled his eyes and leaned in for another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> For this prompt at comment-fic on livejournal: _Top Ten Reasons Why You're Still Single_


End file.
